Tonight's Major Movie...
SPILLThe movie begins in a chemical research facility with a couple of people in radiation suits. They're handling a test tube with a blue chemical in it. The girl accidentally trips and SPILLS the blue chemical.
Then the other person steps on it and immediately her feet and legs start to SPILL blood.
The girl starts screaming and wants out of the facility but they lock it down and set the room on fire to burn all record of the accident ever happening.
The scene switches to our hero Brian Bosworth
who goes from a press conference about nothing, to him going through a giant mud pit in a suit.
Luckily Lone Ranger Woman comes by and lassos Brian out of the mud pit before he got his jacket dirty.
Meanwhile a drunk guy is driving a semi full of the blue chemical. He almost hits a car and swerves.
Then he runs the truck off the road and gets stuck on a cliff.
His crash snaps a tube and the blue chemical SPILLS into the river below.
Back to Brian who's now with a park ranger walking through the forest near the lake that is now contaminated with the blue chemical. They find a kid camping who had been drinking from the river and now has a nose SPILLING with blood. The ranger gives the kid mouth to mouth and Brian washes his face with river water. Now they start mumbling and SPILLING blood from their faces.
"Uhm manga mu huma ma gumbaa" Brian mumbles as he, the ranger and the kid mosey up to the highway. Just then a contamination crew shows up.
Brian is taken to a lock down chamber to prevent his illness from spreading. Except he wakes up and seems to be fine, along with the Lone Ranger Woman, the man ranger and the kid. When Brian tries to tell the doctors that he's fine, they pull out guns and syringes with the blue chemical. Man Ranger and the kid die. Brian escapes with the Woman Ranger and the truck driver who crashed on the cliff.
While trying to escape a car comes at them head on. Brian pulls a machine gun out of the glove box and shoots at the oncoming car
until it flies off the road and explodes.
Meanwhile the president and his advisor are camping in a cabin. The advisor is planing a scam. He wants to poison national parks only to come in as if they're saving the american people from the poison.
Brian: What's the story?
Truck Man: I work for a pool company
Woman Ranger: You spilled pool chemicals that make people die?
Truck Man: Hey, it's a job.
Brian: Why would pool chemicals make people die?
Truck Man: Ok, it wasn't really pool chemicals. They wanted me to drive my tanker into a conference and put the chemical in the river.
As Brian, Ranger Woman and Truck Man are walking through the woods they get attacked by some rogue rangers who try to kill them. Brian kung fu kicks both of them.
The president and his advisor went for a walk to talk about the poisonous chemical.
Advisor: There's been a spill in a national park.
Pres: How could such a thing happen.
Advisor: One of our secret trucks spilled in a national park
Pres: I'm having no part in this.
Advisor: You have no choice if you want to keep being president. You'll be a hero when you save everybody.
Then Woman Ranger figures out that the three of them aren't dying because they were sick before they got infected. Brian's cough is the only thing saving his life right now.
As the three of them continue on through the woods, truck guy sees a napkin on a cliff. As he reaches for it he falls over the cliff. Then more rogue park rangers show up and Brian roundhouse kicks them and sits on their heads until they're unconscious. Then Brian and Ranger Woman continue on till nightfall...
Ranger Woman: So how did you become a bodyguard for the president?
Brian: I had to give up football because of a neck injury so the governor of Nebraska said I should work for the president.
Now it's morning and the two are talking about the SPILL.
Brian: I can't believe that the president is in involved.
Ranger Woman: You think a truck would just crash in a national park?
Brian: No, it must be another agency doing this. The president is giving a speech near Old Faithful today. When the infected water reaches the geiser... come on, we've gotta keep moving!
The president arrives at the park surrounded by park ranger/guards with machine guns.
As Brian tries to put some dynamite in the river to stop the flow to the geiser more park rangers with machine guns show up. He guns them all down...
except for one who has a rocket launcher.
Just as the ranger is about to launch a fourth rocket at Brian, the river blows up and kills the ranger. Then ranger woman notices there are two rivers and they blew up the wrong one. They race on a motorcycle they found in the woods to get to the president.
"Everybody watch out! Old Faithful is going to spray poison!", Brian yells as he reaches Old Faithful.
Pres: I can't believe you! You blew up Old Faithful and killed dozens of park rangers! I'm glad you did, because if you hadn't, we'd all be dead... Except that my advisor and I planned to poison Old Faithful.
Brian: What? This was all your doing?
Pres: Yes, it was, but don't tell anyone. I want to keep being president.
After that the president goes back to give his speech.
Then some newspapers slide across the screen about how the president did a bad thing and his advisor was fired.
Roll credits.
