Two good movies

First I watched Riddles of the Sphinx and then Attack of the Sabretooth.

In Riddles of the Sphinx Indiana Jones' cousin Bob is on the hunt for precious crystals that will unlock the hall of knowledge.
When Robert, his daughter, Tomb Raider's sister and Lurch find the last crystal, Lurch tries to take it from the stone display but sinks in the surrounding dirt. How will they get the final crystal? There's only one way...

To stabalize the elements Bob must undress to complete the circle of power. Bob immediately gets naked and carefully crosses the dirt. It worked and he combines all the stones to unlock the magical sword of Onk.

Lurch immediately double-crosses Bob and uses his anti-gravity ray gun on the three of them and runs away with the magic sword.
Lurch gets attacked by the CG winged wolf creature and dies.

Bob runs after Lurch and finds his body and the sword. Just then the wolf creature swoops down for an attack. Bob accidentally cuts himself with the magic sword and notices how his accident magically wounded the winged wolf.

The only way to kill the flying wolf is to kill himself, so Bob stabs himself and the wolf turns to dust. As Bob is about to die he is magically teleported to the hall of knowledge.

Inside the hall of knowledge Bob sees his father who tells him that he's been living there for a very long time absorbing knowledge. Bob decides that it would be pretty boring to just sit around absorbing knowledge for the rest of eternity and decides to leave.

Bob's daughter and Tomb Raider's sister are excited to see him return.

Attack of the Sabretooth takes place on an island like Jurassic Park.
It's actually pretty much just like Jurassic Park except that there are sabretooth tigers instead of dinosaurs and cheaper special effects.

The movie starts with a security guard on his lunch break who gets eaten by a giant sabretooth tiger with heat vision (I see a popular reaccuring effect here. Remember the scary Pinata?). The tiger jumped out of the jungle and smacked his arm off. The guy cried a little and then the sabretooth ate his head.

Meanwhile Niles, the Valalola Resort Primal Park owner, is overseeing the party that he's having to celebrate his park's grand opening. His assistant Alan is instructed to do a security check.
When he visits the security command center he's told that Gate 4 is open and Sackiasee is missing. It's no big deal because the control box on gate 4 has already failed eight times in the past week. Alan finds this unacceptable so he goes to check it himself.

As Alan gets to the fence he notices it's no malfunction and the gate is wide open, so he decides to walk into the jungle and look for Sackiasee. He finds a severed arm and says, "Oooh". Then he stumbles over other pieces of Sackiasee and says, "Oooh, that's nice". As he looks up, you see the reflection of the Sabretooth tiger in his sunglasses coming straight for him. The tiger eats his head.

On the other side of the island the Phi Beta pledges show up for a scavenger hunt. They need to find a seashell, a spear, a muffin, a bowl of cotton candy and a fork. The only way to find the items is to break into the facility and shut down the power.
On a side note: College students love doing scavenger hunts on distant islands with large dangerous creatures. Don't ever join a fraternity or sorority.

Niles' guests have arrived to the island and he welcomes them, "Ladies, Gentlemen, Investors, I'm Niles Green and I'm honored by your presence as we celebrate the completion of Valalola Primal Park Stage One. Genetic Miracles Reasonably Priced!"


Right after Niles gives his speech Savannah shows up with some bad news.
Savannah: Sir, we have a problem. We have a code orange on gate 4 and the sabretooth cats are missing.
Niles: So?
Savannah: I recommend we lock down the park and get the guests off the island.
Niles: No. Ruining the celebration is not an option.
Savannah: Sir, these people are in danger. They could get eaten.
Niles: The only thing that's going to be eaten around here is some very expensive cantalope. I don't care how you do it, but you get the cats back in their cages and don't tell any of our guests about this.

Once back to the control room Savannah and the other guard realize that Sackiasee and Alan haven't returned yet, so the guard goes to gate 4 to investigate.

He suffers the same demise as the first two. The tiger eats his head.


Now Savanah finds out there's been a complete system failure. "All the power is down."
(One of the college kids shut down the power mainframe because "he's good with computers"). The multi million dollar facility is run by an Atari 2600.

So... let's go over a few key plot points here.
1. Niles invited friends, investors and college students to an island with a park that is still under construction.
B. Through genetic research in prehistoric dna Niles brought sabretooth tigers back to life that are kept behind faulty security fences that have gates that don't lock properly.
Sounds fun, I'd want to take a tour of the park.

Then it gets really good, Sachariah tells Brian a story of how anybody who dates Savannah dies in a gruesome way. One of her past boy friends was eaten by an Anaconda. That's a whole other story that we won't get into right now, but I think they threw that little bit in to make a sequel.

The students have split up for their scavenger hunt and two of the students walk into the lab where the baby sabretooth tigers are kept in breeding tubes like the scene out of Alien Resurrection.
The baby sabretooths look like globs of play-doh with teeth.
The girl can't stand the look of the play-doh creatures so she decides to walk down a dark hallway looking for a light switch. She finds one of the tigers instead and it eats her head.

Meanwhile in Niles' office Niles tells Grant how he made sabretooth tigers from DNA.

Grant: What's really on this island?
Niles: Smilodon Fatalis.
Grant: Smelly Feces?
Niles: Smilodon. It means prehistoric cat made of play-doh and prehistoric DNA.
Grant: A prehistori cat?
Niles: Yes. It's what you would call a sabretooth tiger.
Grant: I've got two words for you Niles, Im possible.
Niles: You know, anybody who knows chemistry can clone things, the trick is to find the DNA. All you have to do is look in fossilized materials and have lots of play-doh.

Some time has passed and the remaining college students meet up with Brian. They find some propane tanks and torch one of the cats. Then they run into Sachariah.

Sachariah: We need to keep moving! There's more than just one cat out there.
Brian: I know, there should be one more, we already torched one.
Sachariah: I hate to be the one to break this to you... we bred three.
Brian: Three minus one would make...
Sachariah: Niles kept the third cat chained in the laboratory because something went wrong when they cloned it and now it's really ugly. The whole back half of it's body looks like a large glob of play-doh so it drags itself around on it's front legs.
College student: Does this have anything to do with the play-doh creations we saw in the jars?
Sachariah: Yes, but this one lived...

Now comes the most interesting information about the cats.

Sachariah: In the genetic mutation lab something went wrong with this tiger... it's bulimic. That's why it keeps killing, it's never full. It eats people and then it throws them up.

While Brian, Sachariah and the students try to find their way out of the dark building Savannah runs to the party where Niles is entertaining his unknowing guests.

Savannah: You need to leave the island immediately. Two wild genetically mutated sabretooth tigers, one of them which is bulimic, have eaten lots of people.

Niles: She's kidding! There's nothing to worry about. This whole thing about people getting ripped apart will blow over. Please have another lobster corndog.

Back in the building the student gets the power back up again with a emergency power disk.
Then Niles comes running into the building, after all his guests ran away screaming, only to meet up with the bulimic tiger. The tiger quickly throws up the last head he ate and crawls after Niles. Niles runs out of the building and locks the tiger inside. The tiger tries to break through the door by banging against it. The pounding loosens a CG tooth from a tiger statue on the roof. The whole scene suddenly turns into cartoon as a 2D tooth lands on Niles' head. Savannah shoots the bulimic tiger and everybody leaves the island.

Now for one final thought:

Primal Park is on a giant island, 2875 square miles in size and Niles only cloned THREE Sabretooth Tigers. Three... well, two and a half, the biggest one is only partially developed.
Jurassic Park had hundreds of dinosaurs, so many in fact that they made two sequels.
Primal Park has two and half bulimic sabretooths and only one survived. A sequel is highly unlikely unless they somehow work in the curse of Savannah and that Anaconda that ate her boyfriend.
I'll keep you posted.

If you have the chance, these are two must see movies.