Pinata: Survival Island

It's late Friday or early Saturday, however you want to look at it and Becky & I are enjoying another weekend cheesy B movie. This time it's Pinata: Survival Island. It begins with a way-too-long intro about why the pinata is cursed...

Many moons ago, isolated in the remote mountains of central america, a small village named gyno once thrived. The primitive tribal people lived in harmony with nature for many generations. But now, a time of reckoning was upon them all. Working in the simple mud and grass hut made of his father and his grandfather before him, using the skills that were passed down through blood, the villiage pinata maker, Honuma began the most important creation in history of his village. For a mysterious drout had claimed the once fertile land. The scorching sun was becoming relentless. Using the precious few droplets of water to shape the clay, his creation began to take form. As food was becoming scarce, the families prayed that the evil would be driven out and the famine would not consume the land. The long hot days melted into cold dark nights. The nights blurred into days that became hot again. Then the hot went cold and back to hot, but Honuma combined elements of human and animal form. An unknown pestilence began to spread through the tribe. And a shaman, the viallage holy man named Antook pleaded with the angry spirits to release their deadly grip on his people. Their time was running out, but the ancient craft would not be rushed, as the mystical design of the pinata had to be precise. It needed to be very small and stumpy looking but have very sharp teeth to actually make it look scary. The vengeful wrath of the spirits continued and the once thriving valley was now being consumed with misery and despair. Surrounded by the cries of the suffering, Honuma sculpted one hand with the power of the bear. The clay pieces were joined and Honuma prepared the pinatas for firing. Sacrificing a wild pig, the shaman carefully removed the freshly harvested heart. It was very freshly. The heart would be the central force inside the pinata and draw the evil through the clay. It had to be very fresh. Stale pigs were never considered. From the tribes holiest shrine, Anonta removed one of the sacred stones and focused it's spiritual energy. For once inside the head of the pinata, the stones' power would activate the sorcery to seal away the evil forever. The time had come to make the pilgrimage to the sacred site and Anonta took his people on a difficult, many day journey. Honuma added the final symbolic markings to the pinatas. The ceremony was now ready to begin.

At the sacred river, Anonta took the ancient pipe of his forefathers and stuffed a freshly harvested weasel heart into the pipe, linking him to the spiritual world. He summoned the forces of nature and cried out to the gods! One by one he called his people forward. The shaman believed the curse was a punishment from the angry spirits for the sins in the villager's hearts. The dark side in the hearts of us all. He began the ritual to cleanse their soul. Touching the good fortune pinata the villagers would complete the circle of energy. The transfer was now final. The evil force was captured inside the clay cavity of the pinata. Silent prayers were uttered as Anonta sent the grotesque pinata afloat. The steady current of the holy river would carry away the evil pinata with the freshly harvested heart. The ceremony continued with the cracking of the good fortune pinata. As the sin-filled pinata with the freshly harvested heart floated away, the forces of nature continued to build. Anonta's dance was now complete with a final bolt of energy. As long as the pinata with the freshly harvested heart lay undisturbed, the evil would remain inside by the magically charged clay. But should the sinful force be awakened or the freshly harvested heart go rancid, an unholy terror would be unleashed upon mankind...a terror with a craving of the eternal power of innocent souls bringing death and destruction to all in its path. (cue 90's rock music and orgy in two speedboats).

The college-aged orgy attendees are headed to the island to win $20,000. How would they win the money? By having the biggest panty raid the local village on the island had ever seen. "Here's the deal! Scattered all over the island are 25,000 pairs of used, skidmark ridden pairs of mens and womens underwear. The group that finds the pair with the longest skidmark gets 500 extra points. The underwear was donated from local fraternities and sororities and via a cargo plane the underwear was littered across the island. You guys have 12 hours to clean up the island. The first group to make it back to camp with the most underwear, wins." announces the contest leader.

Then one guy and one girl are handcuffed together and given a garbage bag to carry the underwear.

By the way, if the couples should get hungry in the jungle there are giant pinatas throughout the island filled with corn dogs and pickled beets.

Not five minutes after the couples run into the jungle, one couple finds the ancient evil pinata and decides to break it open after making out for two minutes. They bust it open with a rock and it comes to life. The pinata quickly realizes how much it hurt to get hit in the stomach with a rock, so he jumps up and yells at them. Then he grabs a branch and hits Bob in the head.

The girl gets away and the pinata is very angry.


On a side note: The pinata uses a low grade Predator thermal vision, available at any Radio Shack.


The girl tells the contest leaders about Bob and they decide to cancel the underwear search.

Meanwhile two more couples are attacked.

While everybody is getting beaten down by the evil garden gnome, three of the underwear hunters make it back to camp by nightfall. The three set up a trap for the Pinata. As he approaches their camp they catch him in a towel soaked in gasoline and set it on fire. He escapes, knocks one of the women unconscious and attacks the last living male.
As he tries to crawl away from the evil garden gnome his girlfriend grabs a firecracker and douses it in kerosene. She sneaks up on the angry pinata and ties the firecracker to his head. As he tries to shake off the firecracker the three people run away and jump clear just as the pinata explodes, sending candy everywhere.

Thanks AMC for showing a true horror masterpiece. This movie should be shown often to remind us what real horror is all about. People need to know that not all pinatas are filled with candy, some pinatas want to chase you with a stick and return the favor.